| I promise I won't get tears on your shoulder... Only on your heart... |
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[31 May 2005|02:27am] |
In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)
What Lies Behind Your Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla
Heh. I love Lucas.
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| Yesterday.. |
[28 May 2005|10:38am] |
Yesterday me and devon went to the Abates. Me and Kate left so Devon and Chris could hang out, you know be gay together haha. We went to OkieDokies and I got grey contacts. Then I had to get eye drops and shit so we went to Walgreens. Once that was out of the way Kate was on a quest to find Kate's eyedrops cause she's stupid and puts them in her fucking pocket. So we went to TGA. Got people to tear the place apart looking for them. Got to watch Jose play DDR, fucking insane. Then since Kate couldn't find the eye drops we went back to walgreens. Then back to tga because we had to give John Esky a ride home. We talked about how me and john look older than we are and contacts. It was rather odd yet funny. So then we went back to Kates. She found the original eyedrops. In her basement next to her computer. Idiot. So then I put in my contacts. They look really creepy, I like them lots. So then we watch Mulan then Idle Hands and I sat around and played guitar. Got home around 1 am. Feeling like shit. Fucking bye.
I love Lucas.
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| "Kisses, hugs, and bloody doves." -Rob |
[08 May 2005|02:43am] |
The Mars Volta was in-fucking-sane. OMFGZ. It was so awesome it scared me. I can't even begin to express how awesome it was. Omar Rodriguez-Lopez is godly no he's not HE'S GOD that other "god" is a lie. Well, I think I might sleep now. The awesomeness has tired me out. God I might die it was so awesome. O and there was so much pot smoke I got high. Pupils the size of fucking dinner plates and falling off of bean bag chairs high. Haha good times. Well tootles.
And just like that everything I was doubting a few hours ago has dissapated and I'm fine.
Once again I'm fine.
I love Lucas.
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[07 May 2005|02:03pm] |
I'm so scared and I don't know why. With the few aspects of my life that are stable teatering on an edge.. in my mind I mean. I hate being so afraid, so vunerable. I give up, I'll just forget about trying to have feelings if anything happens, I'll let it numb me cause I really can't stand some of this shit anymore but o well. And I don't know how I am if you're wondering. But I'm sure no one will read this so whatever. I'm going to go do my eye makeup. Concert tonight with Bailey. The Mars Volta. Thinking of tonight is the only thing making me smile at the moment. Ok, tootles.
I love Lucas.
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[06 May 2005|08:48pm] |
OMFGZ! Check outs me eljay. Don't forget to put the cursor over the links. Hehe. I rule. Well, tootles.
I love Lucas.
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[06 May 2005|03:12pm] |
New York yesterday was cool but Allison is a fucking dumb ass and should have been forced to jump off the fucking Brooklyn Bridge. I told Daryl what happened with me and dumb ass and she's like "Dude, I'd hate her too." So yeah what the fuck ever. But www.neighborhoodies.com seriously dude. I got a black hoodie and it says "love forever" (it's a song reference, comment if you know it cause a few of you should) on the front and it's got a heart on the sleave (haha seelay). Lots of fun shopping with Daryl, Amy, Ian, Tyler, and Ben. Ian almost refused to leave Victoria's Secret while Tyler and Ben left to go look at SharperImage. So then everyone left me and Tyler behind while we were drooling over this sterio (you had to see it, it was effing geeorgeeous). So Tom decided to do the bungie jumping type thingy in the food court, it was fun laughing at him. So today I went to school, I swear I've gone like 5 days this quarter but whatever. It was lame and I basically didn't do anything and I was really pissed off that I had to go cause I'm still fucking tired. Well, I tuned my guitar and stuff. I need to clean kinda but I don't feel like it. Meh. Well, tootles.
I love Lucas.
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[04 May 2005|09:27pm] |
So confused about..things. I hope Chelsea is ok. New York was awesome and everyone should see Movin' Out cause it's insane. Well, that's all I'm going to write cause I'm fucking tired. But today I realized how much everyone means to me and it would hurt to loose you guys. God, I hate my dad for this...
I love Lucas.
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[04 May 2005|01:03am] |
Some stuff is done on it. Bailey thinks Fran Mark is purrty. I just think he's godly. lol. Well, I've still got to redo all the links from scratch but I'll do it before next Friday. I'm just to tired to do it now. Happy Birthday me. Wonder how many people remembered without reading this before school and being like "o shit!" lol. Well, I'm going to bed. New york today, w00t.
I love Lucas.
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[03 May 2005|08:04pm] |
I changed my layout and it was all nice. But then livejournal took it upon itself to delete all my coding. And I'm tired and irritated right now. So fuck that. At the moment there is no spectacular layout. It was perfect to, because Fran Mark is godly. Harumph. Fuckers.
I love Lucas.
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| Maybe... |
[02 May 2005|11:21pm] |
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Maybe love is a lie. Maybe you've lied all along. Right between your teeth, a world of fools at your fingertips. You saw my world in tatters, like it remains, and you felt pity for my poor soul. These scars made you see that this face so ugly and broken hid layers, years of memories, that just made me uglier. All the defensive words I spat out, all the looks I shot. But maybe I did win you over, timid smile, shy laughter. Maybe you thought you could use me, for what no one knows. Or maybe you're in love, longing for the day when you can run your fingertips along my skin and I can kiss your sweet lips without consiquence, just a few more days, counting down the hours. Or maybe I'm a piece of ass, but would you wait over a year after you met me, five months after you asked me that binding question, to make your move. But why would you waste your time. Why would you waste your words, so many times "I love you" has past your lips and slid off your fingertips. But why would you want to fall in love with me. Because in doing so you've ashured yourself pain, heartache is not something you can soon tell goodbye. Would you cry if I left without a touch, a tear? Would you care if I bothered with goodbye? So many little things break me and you've done this as well. But you're careful, you've taken me and pieced me back together with the utmost care numerous times. But why would I bother with these words, so many "I love you"'s I've uttered, everytime I've meant it. You tell all you love me. My heart almost burst because I do love you. But I guess my world is just one full of doubt and I could never be sure. But why? Why me? Why ensure yourself such heartbreak? Am I worth it? All I know is you're worth all these tears I cry even now. I wouldn't care if I died tomorrow as long as it was with you and I was in your arms. Because I do love you even if you don't love me. But I'll take your word for it because for as many time that I've said "I love you" I've said "I love you too". But I have to ask one thing of you. I need to know your touch like you know my tears. At least once before I am forced to leave. Because there's nothing I could do to stop this. Because I love you, Lucas.
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[01 May 2005|11:45pm] |
this wonderful euphoria.. ah these wonderful little pills that always call to me so inviting, I'm floating among the clouds and I'll wave down to you.. don't you wish you were here with me? drug induced paradise is something only the users, only the abusers can reach. I do pitty people who are straightedge becuase they will never have the hcnace to be like this, so blissful, so happy. Ahh. Mhh, I'm without worry or care. This is perfect. Judy (Lucas' aunt) is coming over firday or saturday to help with the "garage sale" cause we have to fucking move right? So I want to see if he can come too, I'll tell him to try and talk her into bringing him.. God I LOVE DRUGS. Meh, don't worry I use few and far between but when I do I make the most of it. And now i've got ":pain" stuck in my head. "anyone can find these same white pills, takes my pain away" ok, I've got a paper to write and a bed to trip out in, I think I'll turn the black light on and stare at it for a while tonight... I love doing that. Ok fuck tyopjng wright. Hhe. Bye.
I love Lucas.
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| "I wanna carve you like a pumpkin... With my knife... ::thrust::" |
[30 Apr 2005|09:25pm] |
Awesome. May 10th: Machine Head, It Dies Today, The Haunted, and Devil Driver. Bitches. Me and Bailey are going. KICKASS!! Now don't you hate me? I've got an awesome week ahead of me and not even Doug is going to ruin that. If I have to throw it down I'll do it Friday so I can still go on my two trips to NYC. No wait, next Wednesday. All those concert tickets are NOT going to waste. Plus, I want to have a chance to see Lucas. Hehe. So... yeah. I'm hoping I can see Lucas tomorrow and we can hang out.. Even if it is helping Mesa move into her new apartment. I want to spend as much time with him as I can. But I doubt I'll see him.. Cause I never do. God that ticks me off. A week after my birthday it'll be five months and I just hope I can see him once or twice before then. Meh. Well, whatever.. Realizing how much I miss him brought my mood way down... :/ Tootles...
I miss you...
I love Lucas.
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[30 Apr 2005|01:14pm] |
Last night me and Kate hang out. My parents tryed to take me out to dinner and she's like "NO! I'm coming over!!" So she came over and we talked while I did all the chores I was supposed to do then we mutilated the ex-boyfriend teddy bear. She went wild with the knife and the stabbing. It was great. So we cut open the front and all but took its head off then we took it outside and me, her, and Devon lit it on fire. The inside of it's chest caught on fire and Devon was like "That makes A.F.I. slightly less lame..." Haha, it did strangly.. So then my parents got home (we had just enough time to stash the bear, which is now chillaxing on my couch in my room) and we decided to get taco bell (since all of the sudden I have money comming out of my ears, birthdays so totally rock). So we took are tb and went back to her place and ate and had hot lesbian sex. Haha just kidding we talked about our little problems and told stories then we went through the NS year book and I gave her updates on the juniors (It's odd that most of the people I hang out with are older than me...). Sooo much fucking fun. I was supposed to be home for 11 so of course I walked in the door at 11:59 and 45 seconds or something insane like that and my mom was like "damn it I can't yell at you." So I stayed up til about 1 which is rather early for me since I don't normally sleep. Then I woke up to a breakfast of bribery: waffles, sausage, and eggs. Then I had to do yard work in the rain. But since it's raining I can't mow the lawn which means I don't has as much money as I would like but O well. Right now I'm kinda hoping of going to the Machine Head concert on the 10th so I can see It Dies Today, MH's ok but IDT is fucking awesome. I've got a pretty busy week ahead of me:
Wednesday: NYC with band/birthday
Thursday: NYC for math
(Friday I want to talk to Lucas about maybe doing something cause I want to see him...)
Saturday: TMV concert with Devo and Bailey
And Tuesday: Maybe MH/IDT concert with Bailey
Soo awesome :) Well tootles.
I love Lucas.
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[29 Apr 2005|09:31am] |
Gizzards and baby formula and I already feel like I'm going to puke. God, will she shut the fuck up. The nurse let me sleep for half an hour but I still feel like shit. I like this thing where she has people deliver the books. Ok I so spelled "deliver" wrong didn't I... Would you like me to de-liver that chicken for you? Motherfucker I don't want to do questions and I need color pencils deperately. Meh. I'm so bored/sick/tired. Well, I'm done. Tootles.
I love Lucas.
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[28 Apr 2005|11:50pm] |
So bored. Just completely changed half the settings on the computer. It's running faster already. Got FireFox cause I fucking hate everything else (even Opera). I want to get trillion, that's my next quest. Cleaned up the desk top and shit like that. Deleted all the shortcuts and icons to other internet browsers cause I hate them. lol. So I'm very bored. I think James is mad at me. ::shrugs:: Ok back to bettering my computer (it'll be mine in a few months so I figure I'll costomize the settings now rather than wait) Well, tootles.
I love Lucas.
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[28 Apr 2005|11:17am] |
In Biology. Cancer is silly in a way. OOO if a guy gets his testicals removed before puberty then he has little chance of getting prostate cancer. LMAO. Ok I'm done... I hate this keyboard. Bells about to ring. Government next. Didn't do all my homework but o fucking well. Hmm, tootles.
I love Lucas.
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[27 Apr 2005|08:50pm] |
Drama today: Umm James raped me up the ass (not really it just looked like that, it was quite odd...)... Not plesant. And then he said he'd do it again if he got the chance. So then Rob and Josh were being really weird, that was odd too. But today's meating was awesome! Zero productivity and tons o fun!!
So then Margo got me turkey and skittles cause she ate my sandwich from last night, the stupid whore. So now I'm sitting here being bored. And somethings really bothering me.. A few people today expressed that they could not grasp the idea of being able to love someone that's black or half black, like I love Lucas. And it's like a repeating theme today. I just took a nap and I had this dream that my parents found out I was dating Lucas. Well they know him so it's not like he's some random person. My mom had no problem with it but my dad was just confused. Not like "what? Lucas? huh?" like "How could you love someone of that race...?" This is really bothering me. If you've got problems with certain races I don't want you to project it onto me and the people I hold dear. I never thought people would say stuff like this... It just really hurts...
I love Lucas.
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[27 Apr 2005|09:19am] |
I fucking hate explorer, my layout doesn't exactly work in this browser. God this is the gayest lesson ever. Meh. Everyone envies me today cause I'm muy comfy. Army sweats, flipflops, and random sweatshirt. Sooo comfy. ::nods:: I'm so bored/tired/hungry. I went to go eat last night and put the sandwich in the microwave then wake up at 6:45 in the bed in the guest room. Weird. I either just blacked out or I was sleep walking. That means I haven't really eaten in two days now. I need sleep but I can't tonight, homework. Meh who knows how much. ik haha sorry I put my head down on the keyboard. I keep almost falling asleep. I think I have drama today. I wonder if I have a ride. Eww. Throat feels icky. Meh. School disabled MySpace for those of you who haven't figured that out yet. It's ok, I don't really go on it at school anyway. I'm going to die of starvation/boredom/exaustion. Motherfucker I'm tired. Tootles.
I love Lucas.
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